Thursday, July 28, 2011

Wednesday, July 13--Horrible Day

Today has been TERRIBLE. This morning Abby was crying from the bottom of her guts. Then wailing and wailing and wailing. Then kicking. And stomping. Then screaming. She hid her face under her blankets. She shut herself in the bathroom. My attempts to calm her and hug her helped very little at best and made her mad at worst. When the cleaning lady knocked to see if she could clean our room, I asked if she could please come back later--this was while I was talking to Toni. I had let Abby talk to her favorite worker from the Center on the phone, hoping that would comfort her. She had calmed but only for about 10 minutes.

Abby was crying so loudly and hollering for Pavlikeni that the cleaning lady and someone else on the Hotel staff came to the door to see what was going on. Kevin figures they were probably getting calls of concern at the front desk. These two ladies talked very kindly, softly to Abby and told her if she didn't cry she could help the cleaning lady after lunch--and made other promises that we didn't think were wise to keep (but didn't have to because Abby didn't keep her end of the bargain anyway.)

Abby settled for, I don't know, 5 minutes. Then came the screaming, kicking and stomping again. She would not stop or settle down. We are talking a big tizzy fit. Loud, long and lots of it. She kept begging for Pavlikeni over and over and over again. She ran out the door and frantically down the hall screaming and crying. She ran all the way to the other end of the hall and was trying to enter those rooms. She would not stop crying and she would not come with me so I had to pick her up off the floor and carry her like a baby back to our room. We got inside the room and shut the door. Abby sat on the floor and I sat on the floor across from her--I was panting from the emotional and physical effort. She just looked at me very quietly and solemnly. She turned off the wailing and screaming. She did reach for the door again. I said "no." After awhile she actually came very quietly and said she was sorry. I forgave her and hugged her. Daddy hugged her. Abby signed that she was hungry. We walked to the elevator and headed through the lobby where she told the gals behind the desk she very much wanted ice cream :) But at least she was calm.

We walked a short way down the street to an eating place and ordered 3 "burgers." I, of course, was expecting hamburgers but when the chef started by grabbing 3 eggs, we knew it would be something else. :) She grilled the eggs (broke the yolks) and chicken meat; got out 3 big buns, split them and hollowed one half out, filled the hole with thick, home-made-type potato chips, put cucumbers, tomato and thinly-sliced cabbage on the other half with our choice of ketchup, mayo or mustard (we all chose ketchup), added the chicken and eggs and handed them to us. These were S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H.E.S. and only cost 3 leva apiece. I handed Abby hers--she took about 3-5 tiny nibbles and tried to hand it back to me, saying "no." I wouldn't take it from her. She kept it up. I just turned my back to her and started getting drinks out of the fridge/cooler. I held her drink, Kevin held her sandwich and we headed back to the hotel lobby where we sat and ate. She did manage about 1/2 of her sandwich under duress, but thankfully no further huge fit.

Back up in our room, Abby was wanting to go with the cleaning lady but obviously Abby hadn't kept her end of the deal. She started winding up for another fit. We said, "no." She was sitting on the floor banging her head against the wall. I was trying to pat her head, trying to get her to play the game with the paddles/ball, the Magnadoodle, the dolly, the cards. Everything was "no." I tried drawing a picture of myself. OK, it obviously wasn't too good since Abby went crying into the bathroom after that :) I tried to even interest her in TV to no avail.

I went and sat on my bed. Kevin was already sitting there. We tried to get her to sit with us. No. She finally laid down in her bed and was crying for 'Antonia' and 'telefono' Kevin said, "No, not now." She finally just laid quietly on her bed with occasional fairly quiet and fairly short-lived wailing and finally fell asleep. Me, too. Kevin, too. (and still is at the time of this journal entry)

Abby woke up and was calling "Momma" so I went to her. She asked for Antonia and phone. She was asking quietly and calmly so I looked over toward Kevin to see if the phone was laying near him. Then the wailing kicked in again. I firmly said, "No cry." and motioned what I meant. She wiped her eyes and quit.

She laid back down. Watching her rock herself is kind of sad. Not in a sitting position like Steven but laying down and rolling her upper body side to side over and over and over and over and over and over and over--not very gently either. I tried to go back to my spot sitting against the headboard of my bed but Abby said "No." She seemed to want me here closer (She had flipped her head to the bottom of her bed) so I'm sitting on the foot of my bed just a couple feet from her. I was trying to hum "night-night" songs and keep my eyes smiling on her. Part time she was looking at me and part of the time she was not. Does this mean part of the time she wanted to see me and part of the time it was too much? I don't know. She has dozed back off.

I don't know how any of us will sleep tonight after sleeping so much this afternoon. However, I am SOOO tired.

Later note:
This was kind of a break-through I think: In the evening Abby woke up and was rocking herself back and forth and singing something--after awhile I thought I was hearing "Villi" and "Veni" among other names I didn't know. Kevin was wondering if we should have her come over and lay down between us. I thought she would think that was too over-powering.

I went into the bathroom and when I came out I was surprised to see Kevin laying on the edge of her bed. He said she had called him and indicated she wanted him there--AND KISSED HIS CHEEK!!!!! She patted the other side of her and said "Mommy" so I laid there. Kevin showed her a bunch of pictures of our kids on my phone. She was repeating names. She said something similar to 'torta' when he showed a pictures of Kandous' wedding cake.

After awhile we got up and left her with the phone. She was a bit frustrated because she couldn't find what she was looking for--so I sat back on the edge of her bed and showed her more pictures but I could tell that wasn't exactly what she wanted. I figured she might want videos. I went to the one of her swinging and squealing--she'd enjoyed this video before--but she said, 'no.' We watched some videos she must have taken here in the motel room. She went to the vidoe of everyone saying good-bye to her at the Center. I'd been trying to avoid that one. Sure enough, after she saw it, she pointed at my bed and indicated she wanted me over there. Then she stated rocking again and singing/chanting. I was trying to enter her world/mirror her (these are bonding techniques) by swaying back and forth where I was sitting and humming along. I don't know whether she noticed or felt comforted by it.

That's where we were when Kevin got back from the store with chips and soda.

I had offered her the rest of her sandwich more than once but she had said 'no' each time. Kevin asked if she wanted some of her sausage--left over from the "Victoria." "No." Banana? Apple? She didn't say no or yes to those choices. She said something that sounded like "bosca" I wondered if that meant later. I offered her Fanta--she drank only a little more than 1/2 glass. I don't want her to get dehydrated: it is SO hot.

Funny enough, when Kevin got out the chips she said, "yes"!! But Kevin let her know it would be chips AND hot dog or chips AND sandwich. The response immediately changed to "no" Just like a kid!!! We decided not to go downstairs and buy meals at the restaurant when we had so much leftover food in our fridge.

Kevin was flipping through channels and got to one called "BTV" and Abby really wanted it there. Because it's in Bulgarian, I assume? Even when it was just the news, she still wanted it on that channel.

I have noticed that not all the non-English shows are Bulgarian.

Abby spent the evening in bed. I was pleasantly surprised that she was still able to sleep the night.


  1. Oh, Joy, that must have been so hard. That was what I was expecting when we adopted Andreas. He never acted out, though. He just withdrew and plunked his bottom down on the floor. Since he was too big to carry, we sometimes had to drag him along. It was horrible, too. He would ask if he could go home and then say, "yes". He would repeat it over and over until he believed it. Then he would get all happy and come tell me he was going home, and I would have to say, "no". Reading this just brought it all back. I know it was completely different, but it was exhausting. It was scary to have to forcibly move him with everyone watching and no ability to explain. Most of all it was heartbreaking. How is Abby doing now? I would assume she is still grieving? It took Onni about 6 months to come back to life. I'm so glad you posted this. I know it happened a while ago, but now I will remember to pray for you.

  2. What a rough day, but in a way a very good day too. She's grieving, and that's a good thing!!! She's capable of bonding. Wonderful news! Glad to see you all made it through in one piece. Keeping you all in prayer!

  3. Very interesting, and sad... I guess its normal and part of getting used to a new life... congrats on being able to handle it.